ANOTHERCANDIDATE.COM
"We regret to inform you that after careful consideration, we have decided to move forward with another candidate."
— They don't regret it. They copy-pasted this from 2019.
— They don't regret it. They copy-pasted this from 2019.
TRISTAN
NZ · 15 yrs · Alain Delon with a spreadsheet
"Even Morgoth had better HR practices than this mob. And he literally destroyed the Two Trees of Valinor."
GIGI
AU/IT · 15 yrs · Romy Schneider with a spreadsheet
"Éowyn didn't slay the Witch-king to get 'competitive salary' and a LinkedIn Easy Apply rejection, babe."
CV + Job Ad
Rejection Translator
BS Detector
CV Roast
BS Dictionary
⚠ TRISTAN: I see "" in there.
Full text. Min 100 characters. Tristan doesn't read haikus.
Reading your CV…
This ride is free but it doesn't run forever. You get 2 tries a day. Come back tomorrow. Come back the day after. Come back every day — you're always welcome.
💅 "Babe, throats are dry. You know what to do."
🥃 "Happy wife, happy life."
Buy them a round 🥃
Reading the corporate speak…
This ride is free but it doesn't run forever. You get 2 tries a day. Come back tomorrow. Come back the day after. Come back every day — you're always welcome.
💅 "Babe, throats are dry. You know what to do."
🥃 "Happy wife, happy life."
Buy them a round 🥃
Sniffing for corporate nonsense…
This ride is free but it doesn't run forever. You get 2 tries a day. Come back tomorrow. Come back the day after. Come back every day — you're always welcome.
💅 "Babe, throats are dry. You know what to do."
🥃 "Happy wife, happy life."
Buy them a round 🥃
Reading your CV cold…
This ride is free but it doesn't run forever. You get 2 tries a day. Come back tomorrow. Come back the day after. Come back every day — you're always welcome.
💅 "Babe, throats are dry. You know what to do."
🥃 "Happy wife, happy life."
Buy them a round 🥃
The Corporate Bullshit Dictionary — decoded by Tristan & Gigi. Bookmark this. Forward it to your recruiter.
"We are a family"
Tristan: Run. Families guilt trip you into unpaid overtime and call it culture. Sauron called Mordor a family too. He wasn't wrong about the overtime.
"Competitive salary"
Tristan: Competitive with what? 1987? Ask for the number. Watch them panic.
Gigi: Every time, babe. Every. Single. Time.
"Uncapped commission"
Tristan: Low base. Impossible targets. That's not compensation, that's hope. Hope doesn't pay rent.
Gigi: Even Galadriel couldn't hit their Q4 targets, darling.
"Entrepreneurial mindset"
Tristan: Founder's hours. Employee's pay. You are not a co-founder. You are employee 23. Hard no.
"Wear many hats"
Tristan: One salary. Six jobs. Like asking Samwise to carry the Ring, cook the meals, do the gardening, AND handle PR for Frodo.
"Fast-paced environment"
Gigi: No processes, no documentation, nobody knows what's happening. Helm's Deep had better organisational structure, babe.
"Social media + partnerships" (one role)
Tristan: Three jobs. One salary. They want Galadriel, Éowyn AND Rosie Cotton for hobbit wages.
Gigi: That's not a job description, babe. That's a hostage situation.
"LinkedIn Easy Apply"
Tristan: 2,500 applications. ATS filters you in 4 seconds. You auto-follow the company. You get ghosted. Combine with direct outreach or skip it.
"Rockstar / Ninja / Guru"
Tristan: HR has never met an actual developer. Next.
"Passionate about [industry]"
Gigi: Will work for exposure energy. They want your soul, babe, not your skills.
🏆 MORGOTH AWARD — JUNE 2026
"Social Media Manager + Partnership Director + Content Creator + Influencer Relations — €27,000/year. Must have Adobe Creative Cloud, filming skills, entrepreneurial mindset, and be comfortable in a fast-paced environment."
Tristan: "This is Morgoth asking Húrin to simultaneously run three kingdoms, manage his PR, film his conquests, AND have an entrepreneurial mindset — for a pat on the back. Sod. Off."
Anonymous "Industry Leader" · Malta
"We are a family looking for a rockstar ninja with an entrepreneurial mindset and passion for disruption. Competitive salary. Apply today!"
Tristan: "Every single red flag. In one paragraph. This is the Silmarillion of bad job ads — sprawling, chaotic, and nobody asked for it."
Fintech Startup · Remote
"10+ years experience required. Must wear many hats in a fast-paced environment. Uncapped commission. No base salary listed."
Gigi: "I spilled my Aperol reading this. Didn't even pick it up. Hard no, darling."
Is AI really going to take my job?
Anthropic published a labor market report in March 2026 showing computer programmers face 74.5% AI task coverage, customer service reps 70.1%, and data entry workers 67.1%. Hiring of young workers aged 22-25 has already dropped 14% in AI-exposed occupations. The WEF estimates 85 million jobs displaced — and 97 million new ones created. Net positive. Brutally transitional. Not coming. Happening now.
What does AnotherCandidate actually do?
Two AI headhunters — Tristan and Gigi — evaluate your CV against job ads, detect BS in job postings, translate rejection emails into plain English, and roast your CV with no mercy. Free. No login. No data stored. Your CV goes nowhere.
Is LinkedIn Easy Apply worth using?
LinkedIn Easy Apply was not built for your success. When you click it, you auto-follow the company — your application is mostly data and follower growth for them. In popular roles, 2,000 to 5,000+ people apply. No human scrolls that pile. Use Easy Apply for a small slice of applications only. Always combine with direct human outreach the same day.
Why is it free?
Because the people who need this most cannot afford it. Junior candidates, recent graduates, career changers — these are the people getting squeezed hardest by AI displacement. AnotherCandidate gives them honest feedback for free. If Tristan and Gigi save you from a dodgy job or help you land a good one, buy them a drink.
Where is AnotherCandidate based?
AnotherCandidate is a Fierce & Tame Limited project, registered in Malta (C 115080). Built in Malta. Launching globally.